Friday was not a good day. It started around 2 am when I woke up in pain, dizzy and feeling generally horrible. I figured I should set up a sub for my class so I stumbled downstairs to my computer. The bad thing was that I had no sub plans and I felt really bad for doing this.
I then took some medication and slept fairly well. I have to say that my K team is amazing. They helped the sub and took care of her! I can not thank them enough for this. I helps so much knowing that I can count on them and that they have my back.
Friday was a jumble of bad thoughts, not feeling well and laying on the couch. I wish that I could say that I attacked the day with strength and courage but that is far from what happened. I don't think that I was prepared emotionally for my "down" day. I kept thinking that this was not my plan and that I somehow let my family down by getting sick. I know that this was wrong but that was where I was. I can say that I have never felt this way. I tried praying but even that was hard. Luckily my awesome wife and daughter came home early and everything started to clear up. Taigen said that she has never seen me cry this much, but she thought that it was good that I did not hold my feelings in. She is great! I really didn't want to do anything that night, but my awesome bible talk came over and we just sat around taking and telling crazy stories. It was just what I needed.
Saturday was a much better day. We took Taigen to swim lessons and Wendy and I lifted weights, which felt really good. We then went to brunch at an organic "hippie" restaurant, which was really good! Wendy then went to get her hair cut while I took my daughter to see movie. It was great just hanging out with her. Well, all being said, I hope that I am better prepared for my next "down" day. I don't think that it will take me so much by surprise. That is at least the hope.
I just wanted to thank everyone who has sent the encouraging posts on my blog. You are awesome and it helps me sooooo much!
Cheers,
Chris
Ahhh, the ups and downs of this journey are to be expected. The good news is that you triumphed over your "funk" and found the positive. You have amazing friends and family, and just remember that we're all pulling for you and sending positive vibes... Even when we're 150 miles away in the home of the best soccer team in the whole world. I love you! Xoxo
ReplyDeletePlease remember to call your oncologist..at least his PA....they have seen it all and can adapt meds to help the specifics. Cisplatin is not very fun...yet it will shrink tumors and all back. Keep healthy spirit and emotions....and you do have a great support group including family.
ReplyDeleteCry as much as you need to! It actually releases toxins from your body and chemo is pumping them in. I swear I cried for at least a month during chemo, altogether. The K-pod has your back! One day at a time, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI have had you on my mind and in my heart for the last several days. You say you weren't that strong and courageous? I beg to differ dear friend. Friday came and went and Saturday you were on the rebound. You've made it through Chris--no matter how weak you felt, remember, that is when HE is strong. And, I know how strong you are in your faith. That's strength where it counts. Carrying you and yours in my thoughts and prayers daily. How blessed you are to have such a wonderful and loving little family!
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